The self-regulation of your baby is one of their first major developmental tasks:

They learn to regulate various mood states on their own, such as joy, but also fear or frustration. The rhythm between sleep and wake times as well as hunger and satiety are also new for your child. When they are internally tense or excited, they need to find a way to regulate themselves.

Babies already have certain self-regulatory skills and corresponding self-soothing strategies at birth. You may observe your baby sucking on their own hand, trying to hold onto your clothing or hair, or simply looking at certain objects for a longer period. All of these are attempts by your child to self-regulate.

Nevertheless, your child is particularly dependent on your support —especially in his or her first months of life: whether it’s calming, feeding, sleeping, playing and exploring, or in situations that might be confusing or overwhelming. These are enormous adjustments that your baby has to make. With your help, your child learns to use his or her self-regulatory skills and to calm themselves better when they cry. There are significant differences between babies in this regard. While some children can easily be calmed, others require much more external support. Assuming that your baby already has a certain level of self-regulation competence, you can support their self-regulatory skills by not immediately reacting to “every whine.” Instead, wait a moment to see if your baby can find his or her own means to calm down. If they don’t calm down on their own, help your baby by, for example, bringing their hand to their mouth, speaking to your baby softly, placing your hand on their stomach, showing something, etc. In general, regular everyday routines are also helpful here. For more detailed ideas, see Mastering crying problems – Part I: Practical tips for dealing with your baby.

You should understand the first few months of your baby’s life as a getting-to-know phase. Soon you will get to know your child better and learn more and more about why and in which situations he or she cries and how you can effectively respond. However, there are babies who are more difficult to read than others, and there will be situations that are not as easily assessable, even if you already know your baby well.